Spring clean is not just for the garden beds.

Man the older I get. I’ve wasted two and a half hours of my morning looking for earphones. Really, is that the best use of my time?

I wander all over never quite organized.

Having a greenhouse that keeps all of my seed stuff in one place would be awesome. Right now my incubators are in my office. My office faces Northwest. So I can’t transplant from incubator to beginning the sun acclimation process. So I’m moving stuff upstairs and downstairs. What a pain!

I’ve looked at big greenhouses. The problem is I don’t know where we’re going to be two years, never mind five. So the expenditure on a nice greenhouse may not be worth it. Especially if the plans would include the greenhouse being part of the house with doors opening into it.

The older I get the more I realize that life feels it has less meaning if you’re not sharing it.

I really want to get my dad over to the house. He needs out! So do I. Gardening for me has always been not only about living, but about extending myself into nature. There is nothing I want more then to have a garden that makes all the creatures around me happy. Whether those creatures are my neighbors, the plants, or the birds and insects that call my yard home. Nothing is as enjoyable as knowing where you are, others want to be!

Sometimes I feel lonely in my endeavors. But that is more about my expectations then reality. Making yourself happy is the hardest thing to do. In a world where all you want is to be heard, being happy in your own thoughts seems foreign. But I’m finding it’s easier everyday. Knowing my words will be seen by so few even though it’s open to everyone is really freeing!

When I walk around the house or walk around the garden, I tend to think of my long ago friends. I wonder if they’re doing okay. Are they happy in their lives? I really hope that they are doing well.

How many years has it been? I know it’s been nearly 10 for some probably 12 years for others. What have I been doing those last 12 years? I’ve been making my life as small as it possibly could be. There are people I miss. I could reach out. The mental mountain looks impassable.
The urge to connect is there, I get so caught up in daily life and everyday worries. I embed myself in one work stress after another. Incrementally, you start losing touch with the idea of people further out.

It’s not because you don’t value who they are and what they’ve meant to you, it’s just become so difficult. So yeah I have a friend that I really wish I could reach. I’m going to try to reconnect this week. She of everyone needs friends. Until then I’m going to continue to work on my mental health as well.

a friend i miss

Funny thing is it wasn’t that long ago that I was happy to see everyone bring everybody together.

The slip and slide in and out of depression is a harrowing trip.

I’ve got some yard clean-up looking out my deck dust and dirt everywhere.

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